personal i….ego

personal i…ego. I can see its ways more clearly these days – its insanity, confusion, separateness as a self different and apart from all else. Its depth of fear – its belief in loss and sacrifice and smallness – “it” against and surrounded by all things not “it”, its endless critiques of criticism, analyze, grievances, its saturation with the belief in loss and deprivation, sacrifice and punishment as an inescapable part of life….but mostly and from which all this streams forth from…. its endless and bottomless terror based on believing in its inherent aloneness as a being separate and apart from Source and Self and thus at odds with all other aspects of life.

With increasing clarity of purpose and decision – I see and feel in my heart – as an awakening mind – the need and pure true Desire – to fully awaken to the I that I actually IS and AM…free of all belief and identification with and attachment to… the ideas, concepts and sentiments of the separate i-self…the self that is always swinging between the pair of opposites – always having and being a personal separate i/me…with “my” supply, “my” life, “my” feelings and love and companions, “my” understanding, nature and purpose and even, in its greatest grandiosity….”my” spirituality.

 Yet, how Clean, Clear, Spacious, Beautiful and Infinite is I – the true, authentic universal and shared  I....the Self and Life that is Us –and that is infinitely and specifically expressing as all that has existence….how Free, how Radiant.  The i self that parades around as who we are.....has no life or foundation except for our belief in it and our attachment to it.

Ego counsels loss at letting go of the personal i…of releasing and relinquishing – wholly…. its thoughts and beliefs of personal anything and everything…love, desire, awareness, life, body, being…it counsels a state of inertia, deadness,disconnect, unrelatability, aloneness, coldness, distance… hurting us and others….as the price for letting go of personal i….

Yet….Can this be? When God – as I – is Love and Love is ONLY unitive, gentle, kind, happy, whole, satisfying, purposeful…as fulfillment ItSelf?

I/we… do not need to intellectually understand how I is….how I “works”….but I can and do…. invite and ask for and open to….more and more expanding and greater and greater individual conscious awareness and experience of and as –  this I …of the actual and only true I that I am – the one, universal  Life…that is Being ItSelf as this very I that I Am – whether that I is expressing ItSelf as “this” presence “here” or “that” presence “there”….

There is NO deprivation – No loss – NO apartness – NO distance of time or place or space – only I Being ItSelf Omnipresently – at and as… every point of everywhere and everything.

I need not strive to understand.... but accept...with wholehearted and joyous agreement…. and with willingness to Know again and remember all that I...truly IS and already and eternally AM.... as One with God and Self.